Published on January 26th, 2013 | by Malcolm Spinedi0
Sports Entertainment Weekly: Issue 3
The WWE can be a tricky thing to follow. They have a show just about everyday and some of them are over three hours. If only there was some jerk out there who brought up the important things of the week into a column and made catching up easy. Well fear not, for I am that jerk! Join me as I talk about some of bigger moments in the WWE this week and why they are worth noticing. To quote one of my personal favorites:
Missed Story from last Week: Kaitlyn wins the Diva’s title, and Eve Quits the WWE
I have no idea how I missed this one, but Eve Torres quit the WWE and we have a new WWE Diva’s champion. I can blame the WWE for not focusing on the Diva’s division for such a long time that when they finally do something with it, I still forget to talk about it. I don’t feel bad; after all no one else remembered either.
Last week, we had a Diva’s title match between Eve and Kaitlyn; a match that actually had a significant amount of build to it. It even had a stipulation where if Eve tried to get DQ’ed or counted out then she’d lose the title to Kaitlyn. It was actually a decent match in which Eve put Kaitlyn over a lot. Eve even let her kick out of her finisher; which is a spot you never see in Diva’s wrestling. After a fair amount of shenanigans, Kaitlyn gets the duke after a particularly gross looking spear.
First off, congrats to Kaitlyn. She’s been one of my favorites since back on NXT (where she won defeating such contenders like AJ Lee and Naomi) and it’s awesome that her hard work is paying off. To those who are currently grumbling about her being “limited in the ring” or something to that measure, give her time. Even Trish Stratus sucked in the beginning and look at her now (actually, she’s rumored to be Hall of Fame bound this year). Kaitlyn already has the hardest part for a wrestler to get down, and that’s to have a personality and be likable. The technical skills will come with time.
But perhaps the bigger story out of this is Eve, who immediatelly cut a promo backstage in which she quit the company. This is not a storyline or gimmick people, she is gone from the company. Eve is (in real life) engaged to Rener Gracis, of the legendary Gracie family of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fame, and actually runs a special school for Gracie Women Empowerment Self-Defense. On top of this, it’s not like she can do too much else in the WWE. That’s how it works if you’re a Diva; you really don’t have a lot of things to shoot for. It’s pretty much: get on TV, get title, and maybe be a valet. There’s no Royal Rumble, Money in the Back, or anything like that for the Divas. Eve was already a three times diva’s champ and a regular on TV, so after awhile what else can you shoot for? It can make even an environment like the WWE boring.
So congrats to Eve on a great career. Sadly, she had to go right when she had a really good character and was one of the best Divas they had. Maybe this will be a wake up call for the WWE to provide more for the Diva’s Divas? Nah, probably not.
The Rock and the Best Ticket Ever
In one of those “How the Hell does that make any sense?!” moments of the WWE, Raw had a story in which Vickie banned the Rock from the arena after last week’s Rock concert. She even had “police” at the gate to keep Rock away from the entrance, which even had WWE in bold with an arrow pointing to the entrance. Rock was already there screaming murder and vowing he would come in. Vickie then retorted that if he did, he would be arrested.
The story already had some plot holes. One, Vickie kept calling them cops or local law enforcement and that she had control of them, which makes no sense. Why would Vickie have authority over a cop? In the case that they were just security, then they have no ability to arrest the Rock. The most they can do is ask him to leave. Oy.
Rock eventually finds out one of the cops has a ticket to the show (why?), convinces the cop to give it to him, and makes his way to ring to interrupt a Paul Heyman promo to CM Punk who is in the sky box seat. Rock’s entrance includes music and coming down the aisle; which takes us to our next plot hole. I’ve bought a lot of tickets to a lot of WWE shows in my time and NONE of them allowed you to come to the ring during the show with entrance music. Now, if Rock used the ticket get into the arena and jump Punk in the sky box instead, that would have made a ton more sense. Even Heyman brought up how illogical it was, to which Rock responds with “It’s because shut up!” Whatever. I only bring this up because I’m sure it’ll be brought up in future times as a prime example of lazy WWE writing for awhile to come. Rock then cuts a promo on Punk using MLK as a theme (because quoting Martin Luther King in reference to kicking someone’s ass is tasteful) but it didn’t last too long.
Shield Banned from Punk vs. Rock Title Match
The lights go out and the Shield appear and batter the Rock after his words with Punk. A triple powerbomb leaves Rock decimated, even coughing up blood, and others say they saw a tooth fly out(It wasn’t a tooth). After a good promo by Punk, we’d later cut to a backstage segment with Punk and Heyman who bump into Vince McMahon backstage. After multiple PPVs Vince has finally caught on that the Shield is a problem in Punk title matches. So Vince creates a the stipulation for the WWE title match at Royal Rumble that “If the Shield interferes, Punk will be stripped of the title.”
Very interesting, as many thought this was going to be the ending but now who knows? One thing is for certain, Royal Rumble is definitely looking interesting.
Heyman now Manager of Brad Maddox
In a moment that appears to be nothing, but could actually end up as big deal, Heyman agreed to manage Brad Maddox. It happened in a backstage segment in which Brad bumps into Paul again (Minus Punk) with his Brad Maddox Experience camera crew. He then introduces Heyman as “A guy who, like him, would do anything to get what he wants.” Paul reads between the lines and agrees to manage him.
This segment could easily play into the whole “Shield and Maddox interfering were orchestrated by Heyman without Punk’s knowledge” storyline as one can see Maddox was subtly threatening to tell Heyman’s secret right there. We’ll see what happens with Maddox, who continues to be one of my favorite parts of WWE TV.
Team Hell No Graduate
In a humorous and climatic moment on Raw, Daniel Bryan and Kane graduated from their anger management training in a fun ceremony on RAW. The ceremony saw more hugs than any other segment in the history of the WWE, as it was one of the best fan interactive segments. The biggest shock was that nothing happened. I was expecting Rhodes Scholars to interrupt and crash the party, especially after last week. But no, they graduated, everyone hugged, and that was that. The biggest swerve out of all of this was that there was no swerve.
The thing that sticks out was that this felt very conclusive. This was essentially the end of the whole anger management gimmick, and how convenient that this comes just days before they are to defend the titles against Rhodes Scholars. This is it folks, it looks like this maybe the end of Team Hell No come Royal Rumble. At the very least they are dropping the tag belts. I think there’s still a lot of stuff you can do with the team, however I know there are a lot of people out there who would love to see Daniel Bryan head in a more serious direction in the WWE with his character. Time will tell on this one.
Mr. Bob Backlund is going to the Hall of Fame
In a short but sweet bit of news, the next entrant for the WWE Hall of Fame has been announced; and the man’s name is Bob Backlund. The older fans will remember him as the mat technician who held the WWE Title for almost 6 years. Others will remember him as Mr. Bob Backlund, the insane heel who crippled his foes with the crossface chicken wing and had aspirations to become President of the United States. He also came back for RAW 1000 when he helped take out Heath Slater. Not much to say here expect congrats to Bob Backlund on an amazing career.
Layla set to turn heel and face Kaitlyn at Wrestlemania
In one of those “duh” moments in the WWE, we got a taste of what the future holds for WWE Divas champ Kaitlyn in small backstage segment. Kaitlyn was with Alicia Fox and Layla talking about getting rid of Eve from WWE. During the segment Layla was holding the title. When I say she was holding it, I mean like how Gollum held with the Ring. After prying it away from her, Kaitlyn went to have a terrible match with Aksana.
It’s pretty academic, people. Layla will continue to try to be a face and support Kaitlyn till finally she has had enough and decides to go for the title. She’ll get a shot, maybe even at a PPV, but lose. She’ll have a breakdown, turn heel, and take out Kaitlyn afterward. They’ll then have a final match at Wrestlemania. That’s what we’re looking at for the next 4 months, I guarantee it.
Dolph Ziggler Wins the Right to be Screwed
This week, Dolph Ziggler won a Beat the Clock challenge on RAW. Did he cheat? Yes, quite a bit actually, but in the end all that matters is Ziggler got the duke. The prize was supposed to be he got to choose what number he wants in the Royal Rumble. However, cutting to Vickie to choose his number, Vickie was revealed to be a jerk and told Dolph she never mentioned what numbers he got to choose from. So poor Dolph had to pick from numbers 1 & 2, so essentially he’s starting the Royal Rumble this year.
Fans of Dolph shouldn’t fret. I guarantee you Dolph is going to make an amazing showing this year. In fact it’s because the WWE has stacked the odds so much against Ziggler that I think he has a very strong chance of winning this year. That being said, don’t be surprised if Cena begins the Rumble along side of him.
Cena Delivers Promo that is so Bad, ESPN Rips on it!
The main event this week on RAW was surprisingly not the Rock. It was instead Cena addressing the WWE about the Royal Rumble. What we got was one of the worst promos ever delivered by Cena as it was essentially everything to hate about goofy Cena in one promo; taking him ten minutes to simply say “I’m going to win the Rumble.”
This opinion isn’t in the minority. Even ESPN (They cover wrestling? I thought they only covered “real” sports?) had to rip on John Cena! They even dropped him from #5 to #10 in their rankings. Jon Robinson, author of the article, states:
“This man used to be money on the mike, but his promo on Raw was seriously one of the most ridiculous, time-wasting experiences I’ve sat through in years. Curious to know whether his writers are really this out of touch, or if Cena actually thinks he’s being funny.”
One can only hope that Cena picks up his game before Mania where it’s expected he’s getting the belt again. Seriously, he’s acting like he read the script and knows he’s winning no matter what and decided to stop working hard. Hopefully, this was a one time mistake, or else the road to Mania is going to suck.