Published on February 20th, 2013 | by Malcolm Spinedi0
Sports Entertainment Weekly: Issue 7
The WWE can be a tricky thing to follow. They have a show just about everyday and some of them are over three hours. If only there was some jerk out there who brought up the important things of the week into a column and made catching up easy. Well fear not, for I am that jerk! Join me as I talk about some of bigger moments in the WWE this week and why they are worth noticing. To quote one of my personal favorites:
Important Stuff From the Elimination Chamber
So the WWE Elimination Chamber happened, an event I could best sum up (based on the results) as “It was alright.” Since I didn’t actually watch the event, it didn’t feel right to write a proper review, so I’ll just go over the major stuff right now.
The Shield beats John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback
In what had to be the biggest shocker of the night, The Shield beat Team Cena clean at Elimination Chamber. No run ins, no foreign objects, no shenanigan; they were simply outclassed. Let’s repeat that; Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback were outclassed by 3 dudes from NXT. Ladies and gentlemen, The Shield is officially a force in WWE.
It seemed very academic. John Cena is getting pushed for Mania and Shield seemed about due for a loss. There was no shame losing to this team of Mega-Faces, however the WWE swerved us and we should be happy about it. While the WWE hasn’t been batting a thousand with The Shield (Who are they working for!?!?) the one constant so far is that as a unit, no one can take them. BTW, this is how every tag should be booked in the WWE, but whatever.
Where does Shield go from here? If I was a betting man, I’d go with Tag Title match with Team Hell No at Wrestlemania. Team Hell No has had a good run, but the Shield are definitely due for the belts. At the very least, you can’t argue that they’re the number one contenders after their last three performances. This included a fantastic match with Ryback, Jericho, and Sheamus on RAW. What’s more, from all those matches, the most common comments is “Their matches are always fun to watch” or “Their matches are my favorite match every night”. They, at the very least, deserve a match at Wrestlemania.
Xenophobe vs. Aristocrat at Wrestlemania
In what I was told, it was a very exciting Elimination Chamber match. Jack Swagger won against all odds and became the #1 contender to the World Heavyweight Title and gained the right to open Wrestlemania (I guarantee it). Also that night, Alberto Del Rio forced the Big Show to tap out and retained the World Title. So the match is set; Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger at Wrestlemania for the WHC.
So we have an interesting match for a few reasons. Jack Swagger is playing a racist character who hates people “not from this country” and Alberto Del Rio is from Mexico. That’s essentially half the feud, with the other half being Jack Swagger (as he and Zeb stated) wanting to bring the title “Back to America”. Trust me guys, this is going to get worse.
However, the definition of worse has yet to be defined. It could get worse as in Jack Swagger keeps upping his racism to the point this turns into a blood feud, thus making this a compelling. That’s the positive, but on the other hand the WWE could go too far and this whole thing is scrapped (Anyone else remember Mohammed Hassan?). Time will tell, but hopefully the WWE is careful with this.
The Rock Retains; Punks looks Strong
So the Rock won; we pretty much knew that was going to happen. Rock being champ going into Wrestlemania equals more buy rates as it increases awareness for the WWE product now that a big time celebrity is wearing the title on the way to the premiere of his next movie. A lot of people are crying foul, but try to see it this way. Thanks to Rock being champion, chances the Wrestlemania payday for your favorite wrestler is going to be a lot bigger.
For the people who are still pissed that Rock is champion; it’s worth mentioning that Rock did everything possible to make Punk look strong, perhaps stronger than him. Punk kicked out of both a Rock Bottom and a People’s Elbow. What’s more, when Punk hit the GTS, Rock showed no signs of being able to kick out and was lucky the ref was knocked out. Even better, the match told this story that read to me that if Punk wasn’t trying so hard to cheat, he would have probably been able to beat Rock straight up.
So kudos to Rock, as he could have taken much more than the win in that match. Punk looked as good as you can in a losing effort and Rock should get some credit for that. Rock gave back to the WWE at EC, and I’m happy he did.
John Cena vs. CM Punk: Winner Faces Rock at Wrestlemania
John Cena and CM Punk get my sympathy. Whenever they get in the ring together it’s a great time. They have real chemistry together, combined with the fact that Cena is a complete face and Punk is a complete heel leads to some memorable stuff. Their match at Money in the Bank 2011 is still one of my favorite matches of all time. The fact that they haven’t had a Wrestlemania together (thanks to certain parties only wanting to work at Mania) is a big crime, because the top face should fight the top heel at Mania, not just the Rock.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that the WWE wanted for it to be Rock vs. Cena at Mania. However, as Punk’s reign went longer and longer, people started to get hope. Maybe Punk had impressed Vince so much that he has no choice but to be put into the main event of Wrestlemania, and it will become a triple threat (Which is the easiest way to get around that whole “Once in a Lifetime” BS). However, a lot of people know that once the WWE has a plan, it takes an act of war to get them to change their minds. Will Punk be in the main event? We’re going to find out soon.
In a promo at the start of RAW, Punk and Cena had an incredible stand off that ended in a match between the two being made. Punk had a legit beef with him last night and wanted Cena’s shot at Rock. Cena wasn’t about to do that, but he made him an offer. They fight, and if Punk wins he gets Cena’s shot at Rock and the WWE title. If Punk loses, Punk is out and he stays out. Punk said yes, and gave the live crowd the metaphorical finger and told him we’ll do it next week.
Very excited because at the very least we’re getting an incredible match. One that will answer the question “Is the WWE putting Punk in the Wrestlemania Main Event?” Monday can’t come soon enough.
WWE Chairman Makes a Lame Match
In an event that the WWE will advertise as a bigger deal than it is, Paul Heyman was called in the ring by Vickie for an Earth shattering announcement. The first thing announced, was that Brad Maddox is the new Assistant to the GM… because that worked so well with AJ and Tamina. Whatever, it’s more Maddox on our TV. However, that was not THE announcement as Vince McMahon would then appear on the Titantron. Vince then brings up how Heyman said he’d do anything if Vince added the stipulation to Punk vs. Rock II that if Rock lost by countout or DQ, he lost the belt. So this was exciting because what would he do with this wish? Would he make Heyman leave the WWE? Would he make Heyman force Brock into facing Triple H one more time? Would he- Wait what? He just made a match between him and Heyman? You mean something he had the power to do without this stupid stipulation? Well that’s dumb.
So yeah, Heyman vs. Vince next week as well. It’s like the WWE was trying to make a match that was the exact opposite of how awesome Cena vs. Punk will be. Does anyone really want to see two old non-wrestlers fight? Sadly yes, I’m sure people want to see Heyman get a thrashing for whatever the reason. I say that because Heyman is still claiming he had nothing to do with Vince getting injured, and it would be nice if Vince supplied a reason for his claims other than “Heyman is a heel”.
But this will happen next RAW. Wild guess – Brock and Triple H will return next week too.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the new WWE Title
The Spinner belt sucked. It looked tacky and like a piece of bling. You see, it worked for Cena back when he was the Doctor of Thugonmics. In fact it began as just the normal title used when Cena was the WWE champion (kind of like Stone Cold’s Smoking Skull belt). One day, someone beat Cena for the title and they didn’t change back. Next thing you know, we’re stuck with this eyesore for 8 years.
So the decision to change the WWE title was made last night as Rock unveiled this new title… which looks like a ring. Seriously, like they took a design for a WWE ring and made it a belt. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they finally changed it, but I have to critique it a bit. It still looks like a little “blingy” thanks to the jewels. Also, there is the fact that the best they could come up with is still just putting “WWE Champion” on the front. Their reason for doing this?
WWE’s Senior Vice President of Creative Services Stan Stanski states: “We wanted you to know immediately that this was the WWE Championship.”
Well, I’ll give them that. I look at it and I think “That’s WWE Championsip.” Want to hear something funny? It took them 6 months of planning to decide on this design.
Something to note is the medallions on the side, here showing the Brahma Bull the logo of the Rock. Considering that there is no longer a plate showing the name of the champion, this leads me to believe that those will change depending on the champion. Like if Punks wins it back, it’ll be a fist holding a lightning bolt. At least I hope so, I really don’t want to think those bulls will always be there.
I pick on it, but I’m sure we’ll get used to it. Anything is better than having it look like a toy.