Published on April 17th, 2013 | by Malcolm Spinedi0
Sports Entertainment Weekly: Issue 12
The WWE can be a tricky thing to follow. They have a show just about everyday and some of them are over three hours. If only there was some jerk out there who brought up the important things of the week into a column and made catching up easy. Well fear not, for I am that jerk! Join me as I talk about some of bigger moments in the WWE this week and why they are worth noticing. To quote one of my personal favorites:
Did we really need this Title Change?
In a hot opener (In all do fairness, the crowd was into it) Kofi Kingston defeated Antonio Cesaro to become the new US Champion. Thus continuing his legacy of the greatest default champion of all time.
It’s true when you think about it. Kofi has been passed the IC and US title at least once a year. Do we remember anything about them, other then him constantly going over people that we prefer to have either title? No, because like Kofi himself, they’re completely unmemorable. The reason is that he’s such a generic baby face that he makes Cena look edgy. Hell, look at his victory speech after the match. All he says is “I’m just happy to bring the title back to the US!” Really? Cause I thought you were from Ghana.
I don’t know what people see in him. He has no charisma and all his moves involve jumping into the air and falling. Plus, and I don’t like using this ever, but by looking at him I don’t buy him being able to hurt anyone. When I see him do a high cross body, I don’t understand why people don’t catch him every time.
Look, I see the argument for taking the belt off Antonio. While he was great in every match he was in, he didn’t do anything aside from it. (Plus the hope is this means WWE is building him up to Main Event status) But of all the people you could have gotten, you give it to Kofi? Does giving him another midcard title reign do anything for him for this point? Miz, Truth, Sandow, Cody, or anyone else would have been better than this!
Some people say it’ll get better when he finally turns heel, because heels are always cool. No, it’s not. How do I know? Because I’ve seen heel Kofi and it it sucked. See I used to watch him back in his indy days. His gimmick was that he was an evil Jamaican who wanted to remake American in Jamaica’s image. Oh, you need proof?
So we learned two things. One: in Jamaica, they don’t tear down buildings. Two: Heel Kofi will be just as interesting as face Kofi.
World Title Triple Threat at Extreme Rules
So after that amazing World Title win for Dolph Ziggler last week on WWE RAW, the WWE had to be strong and continue the push for Ziggler. A new champion was crowned and, after having him job for ages, it was time to get him back on the winning track! So what better way to do that then having him job to the guy who lost at Wrestlemania thanks to a DUI and drug possession charges? Wait, what!?
So RAW was weird for the World Title scene, but to be fair, that fact is part of the story. Alberto Del Rio wanted to use his rematch clause tonight, which almost happened. However, and surprisingly, Swagger comes out and is ticked that Ziggler won the title thanks to his handiwork. So he does the logical thing, and nearly cripples ADR with the Patriot Lock. Yeah! That will teach Ziggler!
So Teddy Long (continuing a story where he questions Booker T’s authority) books Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler…. because you want to reward Swagger for ruining the main event? Fast forward to the match and Swagger, shockingly, wins clean. Okay. So WWE still believes in this guy? Enough to give him a Wrestlemania payday and victory over the new World Champ? Really?
An enraged Booker T (not happy about the match) decides that since everyone has a claim on Ziggler’s title, we’re having a triple threat title match at Extreme Rules. Fine by me, I think we’ll see an excellent match thanks to it. As long as Ziggler retains, we’ll be fine.
Taker on Raw next week?!
So when Taker was almost attacked on last week’s RAW, I didn’t see it going anywhere. Taker at this point is a Wrestlemania act and only shows up to defend the streak. BTW, all the power to him. He wrestled a long and storied career to get here and is the one part time act I endorse. Back on subject, the Shield attempts to destroy the Undertaker, but he’s saved thanks to Team Hell No. Since Taker is part time and they did the same thing with Triple H on Smackdown, I assumed this was just a tactic to build the Team Hell No feud. However, this is not the case as now we have Taker and Team Hell No against Shield next week on RAW.
Got to tell you, I’m nervous for Shield’s undefeated streak. WWE seems to want RAW to have one historic thing going on every week now. They had Wade win the title back last week and we had Kofi win the title this week. Who’s to say Shield’s undefeated streak ending won’t be the next thing we see?
If the WWE is smart (Jury is out on that one) they would have Shield not only going over but taking out the Undertaker, with Hell No helplessly watching. An enraged Kane, not in his right mind, wants a piece of Shield so bad, he offers to put the tag titles on the line against them at the PPV. There is your match! Title vs. Streak gets a lot more buys, WWE. Don’t do something goofy and have the Shield’s streak end on free TV. I don’t care if it’s Taker, he doesn’t need this. Plus having Shield take him out explains him disappearing for the next… you’ve already booked the loss haven’t you? God darn you, WWE. ~_~;;;
Henry Fighting Sheamus
So, Henry has began targeting Sheamus for whatever reason. Due to the fact that he’s in a tag match with Show against Sheamus and Orton, I wouldn’t be surprised if we got a fatal fourway between these four to decide the next number one contender for the World Title. Not much else to say, just something to keep you’re eye out for.
Fandangoing is over before it starts
So after last week’s RAW, we have a new phenomena called “Fandangoing”. When Fandangoing you… well take a look.
So good for Johnny Curtis aka Fandango. This sort of crowd participation is great for a wrestler and can lead to new merch and maybe even a push… I’d say this if the WWE didn’t already ruin it.
WWE… how to put this… Remember being a kid and you had something you enjoyed? Then one day your parents start doing it or telling you to do it too, and suddenly you found it not to be so cool anymore? This is what WWE did with this craze. Unlike Daniel Bryan and the “Yes!” chants (which they not only didn’t endorse, they tried to censor them out), the WWE tried to back up this craze. Showing videos online, telling the crowd to chant it, and talking it up the whole show. On paper, this sounds like a great idea, but the WWE doesn’t realize there’s a difference between advertising and shoving something down our throats. That’s the reason people boo John Cena! It’s not that we hate him per say, but we’re sick of seeing him EVERYWHERE. Tout is dying a slow death because the WWE talked about it so much, the mere mention of Tout started causing people to get sick. Heck, the WWE’s focus on social media has even caused me to be irritated with using it. So yes, WWE is proof that you can advertise too much.
Such is Fandango, who the WWE has been hyping way too much all week and throughout the show. The result: Dead silence when he came out. As much as I don’t like the character, I had to feel sorry for him. You have this great week and you walk into this. Did the WWE have to give Fandango an entire segment? The guy has yet to work an entire match or cut a decent promo, but you give him a whole segment? A segment that bombed. Unless the gimmick is that he is in fact a terrible wrestler, I still don’t get Fandango.
Fandango comes out, teases, dances the crowd, and tells them to do Fandango themselves. Granted it does get some people to do it, but that does not make a great chant. Bryan fans knew to chant “Yes!” just as his music hit. Having Fandango have to instigate it is just force feeding it more. We’ll see what happens, as I suspect that this won’t stop the WWE from pushing it more. ~_~;;
R-Truth beats Wade Barrett
This is another quickie. Truth got a clean pin on Wade Barrett. Relax people, this is just how the WWE books title defenses. Challenger pins champion, gets shot at PPV, and he will lose more than likely. Yup, typically WWE booking here. Once again, nothing else to say here.
CM Punk Loses His Smile
So the above happened, and Punk walked out of the ring. From what I can tell, the shock with losing to Taker and Rock (going against his belief that he is the Best in the World) finally caused him to snap and he walked away to find himself. Punk has been rumored to be needing some time off and this looks like the send off.
Personally, I am happy to see him go. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss the heck out of him and RAW is going to be worse without him, but he’s been going strong for 8 years now. Especially more so after becoming the guy in the WWE. If he needs the time off, let him enjoy himself for once. I wish we had more wrestlers that thought like him. You know why Jericho gets those incredible pops? Because we got the chance to miss him and remember what we had with him. Imagine if Cena took a couple of months off?
So take care, Punk. If I was a betting man, we’ll see you at the Royal Rumble.
The Rematch No One Wanted
So after destroying 3MB (once again, a popular past time) Brock Lesnar gets in the ring and Heyman issues a challenge to HHH for a rematch at Extreme Rules in a Steel Cage…
Why?! Damn, I know why… but why?! This will hook in some people. The folks out there who still only care about the wrestlers of the good old days of wrestling. Hunter and Brock are still big names and this will appease that group. That being said, we still have some issues.
Heyman is promising a brutal affair, that flesh will be meshed off the skin… No. No it won’t! Ever wonder why you don’t see cage matches anymore? Because you can’t use it! Take the much talked about “End of an Era” between Taker and Triple H. Great match overall, but as a Hell in a Cell match it sucked. The cage itself was rarely used and the match was more like a street fight that happened to take place inside Hell in a Cell. This is because the new WWE hates blood. Yes, cage matches used to be good, but they lost a lot of it’s coolness thanks to the PG Era.
Also, of all the matches for Brock, we’re doing this again? Did anyone hear the crowd at Mania for their last match? I can hear the rumbles already, and I understand. It was an open dome arena and sound works differently. Just the same, there was a definite contrast in crowd reaction as opposed to the other matches. I don’t think anyone else really wants this match. We could have ended it with Wrestlemania! Hunter goes over, good wins. This match is so unnecessary.
I hope Brock wins here. If the WWE wants people to take him seriously in future plans, he needs a victory. Otherwise, I dunno what they’re doing.
Ryback Goes Full Heel
So looks like I was wrong on a few things. Ryback is a heel and we’re doing the one on one right away. We got the above video with Ryback explaining his actions. I must say, it was really thought out and well produced. His reason for turning heel makes complete sense, John Cena was being kind of a dick. However, the awesomeness of this turn was lost because this involves John Cena, the biggest one dimensional wrestler ever. His response to this video to this is to tell Ryback he has no balls and laugh at the idea of him being the biggest threat he’s ever faced.
Where do I start? First off John, let me get this straight. Mark Henry comes down to the ring, and you can look scared. Ryback however, you’re all brave with. Ryback, the guy who manhandled Punk and destroyed him every match. The guy who would defeat tag teams by himself. The guy who can pick up Henry like he’s nothing, you really couldn’t even look concerned? Way to sell the match, man.
It also annoys me despite the awesomeness of Ryback’s explanation, Cena could care less. Did he have to jump straight to “Fuck you!”? Remember the Rockers break up? What made that moment so tragic is that Marty Jannetty tried. They did argue, but Marty didn’t want to lose his friend and tried to make amends. He even apologized for anything he did, and asked that they talk this out and work it out. See, the face there showed how important that connection was and made it all the more painful when it was severed. If Cena even tried to work things out even just a little, I could have bought that there was a friendship, but now I just don’t believe it.
I’m also ticked off at the WWE’s booking. So let’s follow this now:
1: Ryback jobs to Mark Henry at Mania.
2: Cena goes over Henry at RAW.
3: Ryback is getting a shot at Cena at Extreme Rules.
So let me get this straight, WWE. You’re expecting me to drop $45 bucks to watch Cena defend his first (and therefore most likely to win) title match to a guy who lost at Mania to a guy Cena beat the night after? A guy who even Cena doesn’t take seriously? Yeah, not a fan of this main event which is doing Ryback no favors.
This turn makes no sense to me. Ryback was getting huge cheers, more than Cena. Why would WWE turn him and just make him Cena food? It makes no sense at all. That’s the big question: After this, what do you do with Ryback? I don’t know if the WWE thought more than a step ahead with this, and it possibly comes at the expense of Ryback’s future.
And the WWE wonders why it has no new stars?