Published on June 27th, 2013 | by Malcolm Spinedi0
Sports Entertainment Weekly: Issue 19
The WWE can be a tricky thing to follow. They have a show just about everyday and some of them are over three hours. If only there was some jerk out there who brought up the important things of the week into a column and made catching up easy. Well fear not, for I am that jerk! Join me as I talk about some of the bigger moments in the WWE this week and why they are worth noticing. To quote one of my personal favorites:
Super Saiyan AJ
So in a segment that’s getting more negative press than it deserves, AJ decided to continue her feud with Kaitlyn by interrupting her match dressed up like her. Big E Langston then comes out and they do there own version of Big E coming out as the secret admirer. It was actually funny, as AJ had to rent a foam muscle suit to pass off as Kaitlyn.
Now people are really quick to come out and call this Piggy James 2.0, and call this tasteless. Personally, I think this claim is very unfair. Piggy James was terrible because it was two models calling a diva fat because she wasn’t a pencil like them (even though Mickie James isn’t fat, just muscular) However, AJ wasn’t calling Kaitlyn fat; in fact she made sure her suit had muscles. Plus, it never mentioned her weight, it was just calling Kaitlyn a dummy for the sake of calling her a dummy. It’s fine. It’s a by the numbers piece of build, but it’s fine.
It looks like we’re heading for Kaitlyn getting her WWE Diva’s title rematch, which is fine. AJ doesn’t look to be dropping the title anytime soon however…
WHC MitB is going to Suck
So Stephanie McMahon (who sadly is wearing out her welcome on WWE already. One week, that has to be a record) came out for WWE Raw to announce the participants for the WWE Title Money in the Bank match. Remember when we had qualifying matches to build up the match? Made it seem all important? Well, those days are dead, because now we just announce the people, because who cares about story. Like honestly, what is the basis for qualifying? Two of the people I’m going to announce just came back, and therefore have no real explanation of being there!
Anyway, here’s the WWE Title Money in the Bank match…
- CM Punk
- Daniel Bryan
- Randy Orton
- Rob Van Dam
That’s… a pretty star-studded MitB. In fact, given that Cena and Mark Henry will be a match for the WWE Title, and Jericho and Ryback are busy too; who’s left for the World Heavyweight Title MitB? Sandow, Fandango, Cody, Barrett, Miz, Cesaro, Kofi, and maybe Big Show? That’s a pretty jobber-tastic MitB. I mean, unless they hope Big Show will be what draws in that match, I don’t know.
Despite what my tag says, the match itself will be fine I’m sure. It’ll be a match full of hungry guys looking to make a statement, and prove why they deserve to be a champion. However, it’s just weird to have a MitB match with so little star power. Usually they stick Jericho or Sheamus in there to bring more attention to it. I hope this means the WWE sees nothing but great potential out of these guys. Maybe they believe that they’ll steal the show, and aren’t worried. That’s pretty awesome if it’s true. Here’s hoping we find out more about the WHC MitB match next week.
As for this one, let’s break this down:
1) Christian has no chance of winning, I don’t know why he’s there.
2) Brock Lesnar will cost Punk the match to build their feud and match at SummerSlam. Sadly, no Punk win.
3) Kane, Orton, and Sheamus are there for decoration. They just work for every match.
So honestly, my top two picks are Daniel Bryan and RVD. It’s tied between Bryan being the hottest thing in the WWE, and the question of “Why would the WWE bring back RVD just to have him lose his first match?” are by far my only reasons. We’ll find out the answer at WWE MitB.
Ryback vs. Jericho – Dumbiest Reason for a Match Ever
History was made last RAW as we were presented a match for WWE MitB that has me questioning if the WWE should have Chris Jericho come back. Yes, you read that right. I’m questioning if Chris Jericho has any business in the WWE right now.
I’ll explain; think about the last 3 PPV feuds he’s had. You recall giving two sh**s about the matches? You haven’t, have ya? Are you curious as to why? I mean, it’s Chris Jericho. The guy is a legend! Why wouldn’t we care? Simple, because he doesn’t. Remember his feud with Fandango? Feuded cause Jericho mis-said his name. CM Punk? Feuded because Punk took a vacation. And now Ryback, who are literally feuding because they were in the same room together.
Truthfully, the reason for this match is this is a way to get Ryback his heat back after jobbing to Cena, but does it really help? I mean we know that Jericho is back to job, a noble reason on paper, but does it truly help anyone if it’s such a given? You may as well put him in a match with Santino… but it’s still Jericho, former champion of the world. So it’s still better than better Santino, but Jericho won’t be a reason to get a WWE PPV for awhile.
Usos Earn the Right to Job to the Shield
It’s pretty much what the title says. Uso’s won a #1 contenders match, and now get a match against the Shield. This is pretty much the equivalent of finding out Zack Ryder won a shot at the WWE championship. Anyone expecting them to pull this out? No? Me neither.
The Tragedy of Punk vs. Heyman
WWE also gave us the beginning of what will be a very interesting tale of CM Punk’s face turn. We got our first face to face between Punk and Heyman, as Punk sought answers to the reason Brock Lesnar attacked him. Punk even gave us a great backstory on their past, which is also on Punk’s Best in the World DVD set. It set the stage wonderfully and explained why Punk didn’t just attack him. As much as he told Heyman not to lie for once, the promo showed how painful this must be for Punk (and by that, I mean his character). Heyman is literally the only person the CM Punk character ever truly trusted, and the look on Punk’s face as Heyman denied summoning Brock was gold as you could tell he didn’t believe Heyman, but kind of forced himself to believe so he wouldn’t lose his only friend. Awesome stuff.
Heyman was gold here too. He brought up a lot of logical points, best being that Punk brought the attack on himself by suggesting Brock needed Heyman. He even brought up how Punk ended their business that night, so how did Heyman know to have Brock there? It’s not like Heyman can summon him Final Fantasy-style. I especially liked how Heyman knew something like this would happen one day, explaining that it’s why Heyman never brought up the idea of them tag teaming. It was a story that had as much emotion as it did logic, which is quite rare in wrestling.
Part 2 of this story will play out next week, as Curtis Axel (called by Heyman) came out to save Punk from a beatdown by the Prime Time Players. So next week it’s the PTP vs. Axel/Punk, which Punk wasn’t happy to hear. How much do you want to bet Axel ditches him in the middle of the match? We’ll find out next week.
Daniel Bryan Finally Beats Randy Orton
Bryan fans rejoice! His time up! His time is now! You can’t see him, his beard’s too big, his time is now!
The main event of last night featured the rubber match (Bryan got a count out victory on Smackdown) between Bryan and Orton. To both guy’s credit, this was a PPV-quality match, a streetfight to boot! These guys really destroyed each other, and it made for a very impactful match. But the true heart of this match was to build a new star, as Bryan made Orton tap out to a Singapore cane assisted No Lock.
Was this for a belt? No, but it meant much more than a mere piece of tin and leather. This was Bryan breaking through the glass ceiling, and becoming a main eventer. This victory, in a sense, meant more than his World Title reign, as he defeated the top face on Smackdown clean and took the first steps towards becoming the man in the WWE. This wasn’t a cheap win or outside interference, Bryan made him tap! This is just the beginning of great things for Bryan.
As to what happens now? Believe it or not, Byran’s quest for redemption will probably continue… somehow. I’m very curious as to how he can explain feeling insignificant after pulling off a victory like that. Without a doubt, he is the heavy favorite going into MitB. Whether he wins or not, I have a feeling that there will be a match with John Cena at Summerslam for the WWE Title, and that’s where he’ll turn heel and get the belt. You didn’t think he’d do all this while face, did you? That time will come, but Cena is still the top face in the WWE. We have a while of him still.
Long story short, great times are ahead for Bryan fans. Now if only we can get that Punk vs. Bryan Wrestlemania main event….